It hits again

Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again.... CANCER SUCKS!! Just found out my sister-in-law has breast cancer. I've reached the point where, if I hear of one more person that I love or care about has cancer I'll disappear to a remote island somewhere never to be heard from again. I am so tired of people being sick!! I need a vacation but won't take one because right now I can't stand being around him. He is mean, and controlling, and crabby and I'm sick of filling his pill holder and sick of remembering the doctors visits and sick of reminding him to wear short sleeve shirts and sick of talking to the drug company. All I want is for him to be nice to the dog and not put restrictions on EVERYTHING!! I want to sell everything and move into a small apartment or trailer somewhere, have enough money at the end of the month to go out and enjoy ourselves once in a while, or plan a vacation with no restrictions! I really miss going out for dinner at a NICE restaurant, having a couple of glasses of wine and ordering anything from the menu I want... vicki lee

Depression

Don't know what's happening, can't get out of this funk. He is just being a jerk!! We had a small vacation planned, his sister from Michigan is even planning to join us! Before we even get close to leaving he starts telling me what we can and can't do, where we can and can't go, who we can and can't see! It's my vacation too, so i started crying and couldn't tell him why so we just stopped talking AGAIN! Then yesterday (Sunday) around 5:30 I went into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. Sundays are usually do what you want for food day!! Then he got up and went into the kitchen and made a sandwich, on the way back into the kitchen when he was finished... "Thanks for offering to make me a sandwich".... WHAT?!?!?! Are you serious!! I'm really getting tired and worn out and depressed, can't seem to do anything right, don't have enough money to move out, no family I can turn to... vicki lee

Better days

First, HOORAY it's Friday!! Was thinking of canceling the few days of vacation I had planned for next week but I don't think I'm going to, the work will be here when I get back. So, we are going out for dinner AGAIN tonight. He is really feeling much better, starts a new IV chemo next Wednesday, has treatments every 2 weeks. Usually what happens he starts a new drug, it works really well for a few months, then his kidney (he only has one) and liver functions start to go haywire and they take him off of it. Then we hit a rough patch, different side effects from the drug and the kidney and liver being off and the cancer starts growing again... Anyway, we will see what we see. Since we know that the cancer is growing fairly rapidly in his lymph system, his bones and the original tumor wrapped around his esophagus, any kind of treatment to fight it is welcome!! But for now we are having some better days and we are going to thoroughly enjoy them... vicki lee

GGRRRRR

The old saying that men are big babies when they are sick is sssooooo true!! All I asked him to do last night was hold the dog (he weighs 4 lbs) while I clipped the dogs claws. He threw such a hissy fit that I finally relinquished and now I'm looking for a groomer or vet that will do it for not a lot of money. I mean really, it's a 4 pound little dog, I can't hold him and clip and file at the same time (he doesn't like having it done). Anyway, he is such a whiner... vicki lee

Not again

We are having the "motorcycle" conversation again. Since he is feeling better and his appetite is improving he thinks he is all better and can go back to all the things he did before(he cut the grass in the backyard yesterday in 100 degree heat). The one thing he fails to see is he is still very frail and unsteady on his feet. If you've never ridden a motorcycle they are heavy and sometimes hard to hold upright. His weighs a whopping 800 pounds and once it starts tipping over it is sometimes impossible to hold, he has already dropped it a couple of times in the garage and had to call a neighbor to come help him pick it up. Don't get me wrong, I would love for him to ride again I don't ride mine because I don't want to leave him behind. Doctor is supposed to give him his new chemo regimen today so we will see what the side affects are from that before we get too panicked about him riding again. UUGGHHH going through all this stuff all I can think of is no no no not again!!! vicki lee

It is what it is

Ya know, Cancer is a strange disease.... Usually the only way it is detected is by a medical test i.e. xray, ct scan, bone scan, mri, mammogram. The other strange thing about cancer is until you know you have it and you are being treated it doesn't hurt. I mean most women who have breast cancer didn't have any pain or discomfort before they were diagnosed. Same way with kidney cancer, he didn't know anything was wrong until he started urinating blood. NOTE: some folks think they have a kidney or urinary tract infection when they see blood in their urine, so they don't go to the doctor right away. BIG MISTAKE!!! Anytime blood is coming out of your body from an orifice that usually doesn't spew blood GO TO THE DOCTOR! He is actually doing fairly good right now. Huge thanks to the prayers from all the Religious of the Sacred Heart and my very dear friends and family. The one thing I know for sure, in a month or so we will probably be going through some other kind of crisis.... it is what it is. vicki lee

Great Weekend

SSSOOO.... We actually had one of the best weekends we've had in 6 months. Friday night went to dinner with family and he ate an entire strip steak!! Couldn't get him to touch the potato or anything else but I'll take what I can get. Saturday couldn't get him out of the recliner (I shouldn't expect so much I guess). Sunday, went to Mass, went to lunch with family ended up staying longer than expected and missed a farewell reception for a dear friend. BUT, he ate a big lunch, participated in the conversation and didn't poop out for almost 2 1/2 hours. It's amazing what a blood transfusion will do for you, and the nasty liquid medicine he's taking to improve his appetite is really working. The best part of the weekend, he can still make me laugh!!! vicki lee