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St. Charles, Missouri, United States
With all the technology we have in this world why is it so hard to find a cure for cancer?

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Well, it has been a long, long time since I posted anything on this blog page.  I have been very busy hoping that would help with my depression but it hasn't.  Sometimes it seems like the more I do, the more I eat, the more I eat, the more depressed I become, the more depressed I become the more I do.....  do you see where I'm going with this? It is coming up on the 3 year anniversary of my beloved B's death and in those 3 years I have put my house on the market and taken it off the market. My Niece and her children have since moved in with me, not for the faint of heart. I totally remodeled the entire house, the way I always envisioned it. And, just recently my house was hit by a tornado with some pretty severe damage. I tried on-line dating, HUGE mistake and will NEVER do it again. I know this sounds a little desperate or like I'm crying out for help but sometimes I think if I could just die and be with him again all of this crap would stop. I would never take my own life that is the most selfish thing a person can do and I'm not selfish at all. Then when one of my friends tells me I am a strong person and God only gives you what you can handle I just want to scream at them or punch them right in the throat. I'm not strong, look at me, I'm 100 pounds overweight, I'm in debt and just keep spending. Tried going to therapy and felt like a complete fool sitting in the waiting room so I made up an excuse for why I had to leave and haven't booked another appointment yet. I know a couple of other women that  have lost their husbands and they don't seem to be in the shape I'm in, in fact they seem to be coping very well.  What the hell is my problem?!?!?!

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