Alone

When I have days like today and yesterday life just seems so unbearable without him.  I miss him so very much, I can't concentrate, I have to constantly fight back tears and now I have to go to another wake for a family member.  I just hope this time I can actually make it into the room without feeling like I'm going to throw up or my heart will leap out of my chest.  All those feelings, sights, smells and sounds come flooding back and all I can think about is how I would have rather gone first than live like this now.  I am certain I know the difference between being alone and lonely...  I am ALONE, and it sucks big time!!