Weekend

WWEEELLLL!!!! This past weekend was the first BIG family outing I've attended since I lost my love! It was really kind of nice, I really enjoyed seeing everyone and catching up on all the things I've missed in the last several months. The wedding was beautiful and very hard at the same time, I was so happy for the kids but so sad because I couldn't share those feelings you always get with my love. It was also very enlightening toward the end of the evening, you know when everyone has had way to much to drink and they start talking, apparently most everyone in the family thinks I sold his bike for WAY TOO LITTLE money! How do these rumors start? The only people that know what I got are me and the guy that made the deal!! I don't go around telling all my financial information to folks, nor do I want anyone to know my business. I also found out that most of the family don't agree with ANY of the decisions I've made in the past year. But as one, very inebriated, nephew said to me they haven't walked a mile in my shoes. No one knows the countless sleepless nights I've had, or the number of times I've thrown up, or the times I've cried so hard that my eyes swelled shut, or the crushing pain I feel in my chest when I think about him... Here's what I think I'm gonna do; when he was ill and folks would ask me how he was doing I would always just say "It is what it is!" Because, after being in this situation you learn that people are just trying to be polite in asking after him, they really don't want me to tell them all the details so you just smile and say what they want to hear!! So I'm going back to that..... My life "is what it is", it's not going to get any better because he isn't here any longer, I am never going to make everyone happy, and sooner or later I will do something or say something that will piss people off so, I am going to start living for me and make decision that affect me and if someone doesn't like it or thinks I should do something else then Oh Well, it is what it is!!!