Big

It's the weekend and there are two big family events happening. There is a wedding today, one of his favorite nephews, so exciting! He had his favorites and I know who they are but he tried really hard to make them all feel like they were his favorite! The thing is, even now, I question just how much of a favorite was I?!?!? I've heard from friends and some of his family how much he used to tell THEM how much he loved me.... but he never told me! I think he was afraid it might make him seem vulnerable or weak, it's easy to tell a niece or nephew how much you love them because they can't hurt you like a spouse can hurt you. I adored him and I told him on almost a daily basis, even through the rough times when we almost called it quits, I always loved him. I knew how much I loved him after only a few dates, I don't know if he felt it, but I know I did. I just wanted to be with him all the time, I thought about him constantly, I couldn't wait to see him again. I can remember starting to think about the next time we would see each other the minute he left my house. I call that "big love", the kind of love you feel for your children and grandchildren, the kind of love that consumes you, the kind of love that makes you hate going to sleep because that is 6-8 hours you won't be awake with them...... and now he's gone.