Missing him

I gotta stop watching any kind of program that has anything to do with love, marriage, happy couples, romance, surprises or anything that has to do with happy couples. When these programs come on (sometimes it can be a commercial) the tears start flowing and I can't get them to stop. I thought that these feelings would start to ease after a little bit, no they are just getting stronger. I get home from work and I shut the garage and close the blinds and don't even open the front door to let the light in. All I want to do is sit on the couch and sulk or pout and I'm not sure how to bring myself out of it, I tell myself on the way home, I'm going to walk the dog and get out of the house..... but it doesn't seem to happen. I start to get the dog collar out and grab the dog then I stop, change my clothes and hit the couch. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just pack everything up put it in the truck and just head west!!! Let the bank have the damn house, let his family come in and take whatever the hell they want, give the rest of it to the kids or donate it somewhere. I keep praying for a little peace and I know God is listening because he always listens when you pray, the one thing that just drives me crazy is it all happens in His time not mine..... vicki lee