So sad

Boy, oh boy, oh boy.... I am feeling so sad and depressed today!! Starting to feel really lonely, can't stand to look at pictures of him right now I've burst into tears twice today because his picture is on my computer screen saver. I know that I have to reach out to his family but I am really feeling like they don't even care what's going on with me. Maybe they don't, I know some of them only tolerated me because I was his wife (not my imagination have seen/heard/and felt what they can do to others that aren't "family"). I really don't want this to turn into a pity party, but I just want to know that they valued me for a little while... it's really hard to get motivated when you don't have anything to keep you going. I keep thinking about the whole "camper" issue, do I really want to subject myself to this? At this point the way they are embracing the "exes" of the family I'm afraid it will turn into something that I end up paying for and they end up using. It was supposed to be for a certain Niece, her children, me, my kids and my grands but now that her mother is back into the thick of the family I just feel like if I am not going to the lake she will be the one there and that is such a slap in the face to him, he did not like her nor did he have any respect for her but his family doesn't seem to care about that anymore and they certainly aren't respecting me.... this sucks so bad!!! vicki lee