How long

How long am I going to have these fits?!?!?!? Got really pissed at him last night and threw all the pillows I had piled on his side of the bed on the floor. I'm sure the dog thought I had lost my mind, he kept running back and forth every time I picked up a pillow and threw it. Then it took me over an hour to go to sleep, then I was up and down all night, tossed and turned, had nightmares, woke up at least 3 times.... then got really pissed at him all over again because the alarm went off and I had to get up!! Hate having days off, yesterday all I did was look at pictures of him and think about what he would be doing right now if he were still here. I know his family misses him but sometimes I just want to scream when they put stuff on FB about how much they miss him!! They have absolutely no idea how hard it is to live in the house and go on day after day with him gone. They might miss him but I'm lost without him, I've lost my best friend, lover, companion, partner, confidante.... this list could go on for days! They have lost an uncle (with several others left to take his place) or a brother (again several others to fill the void) a cousin (too many to count) I've lost half of myself, the better half of myself, the half that kept me going when I was exhausted, the half that knew just how to make me laugh when I didn't want to, the half that I counted on when I was sad, the half that held me up when I was feeling attacked by the world, my dance partner, my drinkin buddy, my riding buddy...... vicki lee