Grief...

This thing called "grief" is a funny thing. One minute I am thinking about all the fun and good times we had together and smiling and feeling calm and "together". The next minute I am so mad at him I could just scream, I start crying and throwing things around the house, jumping down people's throats and feeling like my life is completely out of control. I pray all the time to find some peace and for help to keep from falling apart at the slightest mention of his name or making financial decisions or life decisions. When you are two people there is always someone to bounce things off of and making decisions becomes easier and you get more perspective when someone else agrees with you or suggests other things. But alone... I feel like I'm just drifting in the middle of an emotional ocean, bobbing up and down with the waves, rolling from side to side and always watching for sharks! I'm not sleeping AGAIN!! There is a good thing about not sleeping, I've almost finished reading one book and have started another. I get these power surges when I'm not sleeping, I've cleaned the whole house, cleaned out some stuff that has been sitting in a bag since the funeral, cleaned the inside of the truck and if the weather was nicer I would have washed the truck, got my hair cut this morning, started packing for next weekend, did laundry, cleaned up after the dog..... grief sucks!