Curious

Sometimes my imagination runs wild (another reason I can't sleep) and I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd never met "B".  Then I snap myself out of it and come back to reality, this crappy, depressed, left behind feeling comes flooding in again. I know there are a lot of people out there who have lost a spouse.  I mean look at our military losses in the last 5 years alone and all the people that were left alone. Why is this so hard for me?  Is it because I have no self-confidence?  Is it because I'm overweight and all people see is a big blob?  Is it because I am putting out some kind of vibe that says stay away from me?  I wonder also if anyone is reading these any more, probably not.... 

I know part of it is my fault for not posting in such a long time but I was trying to be "normal" again and it just DID NOT work out.  Maybe this feeling of emptiness and loss is my new normal. That makes me even more sad, very sad......