Meltdown!!

I know it's been a while since I blogged anything but I have been totally wrapped up in getting him settled in and learning all about Hospice!! Back to getting someone to sit with him day and night if I'm not there, and learning to let other people help me. Had a major meltdown yesterday, after telling him for the 3rd time that the doctor has stopped all treatments and he is very, very sick.... he looked me straight in the face and said "You did this to me, this is all your fault." Then when our son said 'dad you don't mean that', he looked him straight in the face and said "You are not my son, stop calling me dad!" Then my son lost it and had to leave the house!!! To top off the rest of my meltdown day, his family starts showing up and he is all happy and sitting up in the wheelchair and drinking a beer and eating hamburgers and talking to everyone! Now THAT just sent me over the deep end. I was ready to move out of my house and let his family move in and take care of him, or move him into his brother's house and let them take care of him there. Then the more I thought about it the more I could hear God's voice saying to me.... I have given you very broad shoulders and now I'm giving you permission to show that you are not a super human and you have to get rid of your pride and start asking for and accepting help, you are my child and I will get you through this, he will be with Me in heaven and then it will be my turn to take care of him... vicki lee