It's over

On Tuesday, November 16, 2010 at 8:10am I lost my best friend in the whole world. He took 3 final breaths and let the angels take him to heaven to be with the family that has gone on before him. I keep questioning myself, did I tell him enough that I loved him, did he know how much I appreciated the little things he did, did I take him for granted, did he know what an impact he had on my life? This list could go on for days, the one thing I know for sure is that I loved him more than anything in this universe. I would have given him anything, done anything, said anything, sacrificed anything for him. If he wanted to sell everything and live in a box I would have gone with him, I would have sold my soul to keep him near me.... I will miss watching him breathe at 2 o'clock in the morning when I can't sleep, the way he made me laugh, his quirky way of doing things, his grilled cheese sandwiches, Sunday morning breakfasts and Saturday night favorite TV shows. I'll never again feel his strong arms around my waist or his sweet breath on my neck, never again hold his huge hands or be able to rub the back of his neck the way he liked. The ache I feel in my heart is unlike any other ache I've ever felt, I've felt the disappointing ache a mother feels when her child lets her down but this is different, this feels like a never ending, chest crushing ache that takes my breath away when I think of living without him. I know I have to go on, I have children and grand children but this ache, this ache..... will it ever end? vicki lee