Surrender

So my weekend started out great with a Saturday get together with my girls!! Went to church on Sunday like always, thought I would get away without seeing any of his family (they have all changed their regular church schedules since he passed) but all of a sudden here's his sister and her husband!! All of these emotions started flaring up inside me, wait you're in church keep yourself in check, I just wanted to blurt stuff out.... why haven't you invited me over for coffee since he passed, why are you embracing all the in-laws he had no respect for, did you know he took my name off of everything??? Now I have to think up a really good excuse as to why I'm not going to the bridal shower today, don't want to lie but I can't be around these people. They all think he was such a wonderful guy, and in ways he was and, I can't help myself, I still ache because he's gone but holy hell, he left with an enormous mess to clean up!! I would have never done that to him, I wouldn't have taken his name off of anything we were supposed to own "jointly" as in married couple as in life partners as in spouse. I'm tired, I don't want to deal with any of this anymore, I just want to surrender, get in my car and drive far, far away and never look back.... vicki lee