It's here

Got a phone call today, his grave marker has been delivered to the cemetery and should be installed in the next few days. I should call some of his family but I want to be the first to see it after it is laid. Is that childish, should I call them and have them all there when it's finished, should I wait until me and the kids have had a chance to see it??? MAN this sucks so bad, I don't want to seem selfish but I don't know what his family is saying about me right now either. I know how cruel they can be, and I'm sure the topic of conversation right now is 'what is she thinking or doing'. Saturday will be 5 months since he passed, I miss him so much, my heart just aches all the time.... vicki lee