Bad timing

So, it's winter and, although I dislike the word hate, I HATE the winter. I am stuck in the house or my office, no sunshine, no fresh air, no birds. Winter on top of this empty black hole I feel looming in my heart and mind, I am not a very happy girl. Now lets throw in Christmas and happy songs, and people saying Merry this and Happy that, I'm just not sure how much more I will be able to take before I just blow a gasket!!! I'm not sleeping again, waking up 2-3 times feeling for him in the bed, or getting up looking for him in the living room or bathroom. I believe in God and I pray for Him to give me solace and peace but the only thing I know for sure is God does not have the best timing. I know it's his timing and we are supposed to be joyful about what we get when we get it but really God, this is not just bad timing, it seems like cruel and unusual punishment...... vicki lee